Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
