I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
