she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My bed smells like the plague
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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