Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
