it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
