There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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