It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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