bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
