So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
