she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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