I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
