WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
