Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
