my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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