Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
