The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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