I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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