why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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