BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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