My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
