I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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