I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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