He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
