Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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