new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
