i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
