Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
