dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
