Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my being single is dangerous.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
