Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
