Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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