i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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