I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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