Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
