The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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