i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
