I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
