I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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