He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
