meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
