is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
