what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
