Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
