Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
