His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
