everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
