Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
