I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
