STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
why do cheetos always look like penises
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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