fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
