So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
